I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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