Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
