she looked like the before picture.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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