I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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