party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
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I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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