I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize