we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
