I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
