non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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