he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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