i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
