imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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