Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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