My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We have so much sex to catch up on
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
