we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
