Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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