Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
