I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
