never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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