He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
