talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
