when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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