i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
