I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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