I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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