I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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