just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
