I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i think i have herpe
just one?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
