didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
