....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize