my soul wont recognize me after tonight
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
