I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
