Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
