Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize