I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize