he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
