I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
