It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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