Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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