That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
