eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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