It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
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we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
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Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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