First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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