Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
