office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
