it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
