It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
