420 ftw
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
