I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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