ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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