I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
