I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
