and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
