Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
