oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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