Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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