Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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