I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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