my soul wont recognize me after tonight
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
