Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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