She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
