We're facebook friends in real life
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
