Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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